Every Now and Then I Fall Apart
by Coconutters
Summary: Set during Bad Reputation in season one. Rachel's "Run, Joey, Run" video didn't go over as she had hoped and she seems to have lost everything. Will's reputation at the school has taken a dive since he and Emma's confrontation in the staff lounge where she called him a slut. Can Will and Rachel find what they need in each other after their lives have taken such a downward spiral?


**A/N Hello party people! I'm baaaaack! I know, you hate me. I haven't touched December in two years and you think I'm not going to finish it. The truth is, I'm working on it right now. I just had to write something to get me back in the mood. I haven't written anything since I posted last so I am very rusty! Wrote this so my new chapter won't suck too terribly. Hope you enjoy it and I look forward to posting again soon. -Coco**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Every Now and Then I Fall Apart**

_Once upon my time there was light in my life, now I'm only falling apart…_

Will Schuester watched as his star student sing the very song he himself belted out in his car on his way to school that morning. He had a rough week, heck he's had a rough couple of months. He slumped over the tar colored piano that seemed to hold him in place like a woolly mammoth in the ice age, and placed his chin onto his hand. He hated seeing her like this, or any of his students, so visibly distraught. The glee coach could certainly relate after Emma had taken it upon herself to dispel any and all information about his personal life to their fellow colleagues yesterday in the staff lounge, calling him a slut.

_Turn around bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart._

It had hurt Will, to say the least, that the one person he truly cared about had destroyed him in front of everyone who had grown to appreciate and respect him throughout the small amount of time he had been teaching at McKinley High. So much had gone wrong this past year, so much that sometimes Will could hardly stand to plaster a smile on his face and go to work. But his glee kids made it easier, so much easier for him to pretend like his life had some sort of direction. They all had their special way of making Will feel a sense of worth, but Rachel even more so.

She made that possible with the way her mocha colored eyes looked to him for guidance and assurance. The way her eyes lit up with such raw emotion every time she sang a solo but mostly, it was how much she needed him. Needed him to be there and now, he saw, Will needed Rachel to sing for the both of them. To sing of hurt, and hope and comfort when he himself didn't have the strength to. He could never be like Rachel, able to sing exactly what he was feeling regardless of who was watching.

_And I need you now tonight  
>And I need you more than ever<br>And if you'll only hold me tight  
>We'll be holding on forever<br>And we'll only be making it right  
>'Cause we'll never be wrong<br>Together we can take it to the end of the line  
>Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)<em>

She sings of need and want and love. A thing that is so rare to either of them right now that he can't help but feel as if they share something. A need to feel loved. A kind of love that was sure and steady. The kind that they make movies about. But, much to Will's amazement, he had never had that and it was painstakingly obvious that Rachel never had either. He wanted to help her somehow to stop hurting but knew it was useless. He couldn't help her any more than someone could help him.

_Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart…_

Will watched as the other glee clubbers began to rise and exit the room. _Why are they walking out? _He felt a sudden urge to yell at them all, to come back and be respectful of their fellow performer, but he didn't. He stood there, cemented to the piano as he watched them all vacate the room until only the band and he and Rachel were left. The young ingénue had a piercing longing in her eyes that he was sure she felt throughout her whole body. She needed something, someone.

"Thank you, that will be all for today. You guys have a great weekend." Will turned to the jazz band and dismissed them.

Rachel, who was still planted in the middle of choir room, stared blankly at the door Jesse had just walked through. Once the band members obstructed her line of sight she lightly shook her head and brought her delicate fingers to her temples and added pressure, trying to rid herself of the building pressure there.

"That didn't go over as I had planned," she said to no one in particular as Will said his goodbyes to Brad, the piano player, who sat down where Brad had just vacated.

"Things rarely do," his fingers tickled the keys as her head snapped in his direction, unaware of his presence. "Believe me, I would know."

"Yes, I heard. We all did." She took a tentative step towards the piano. "It wasn't right, what she did." Rachel reached the large, black piece of furniture and rested her hands atop it.

"Or rather, _how _she went about it. I would also be upset if I learned Jesse or Finn had relations with other women while I tried to sort out my personal issues but I would have done it in a private area."

Will looked up at her and saw the sincerity in her face, but also the tiredness in her eyes, a tiredness he sees in his own reflection at any given point of the day. "I suppose I had it coming. I still don't know how she found out about those things. I've told no one."

"Does it matter?" The question hung in the air, Will didn't know how to respond. _Did it?_

"I don't know. I think so. Maybe if she didn't know about myself and Shelby or April we would still be working toward _us_." Will had stopped playing with various chords and had scooted toward the wall, away from Rachel so he could face her properly.

"You of all people should know that if you don't want something to get out, you shouldn't do it. Honestly, has teaching high school students taught you nothing?" She smiled at him and gave a slight roll of her eyes, showing that she was merely teasing him.

"I know, you're right. If only I would use my head." Will smiled sheepishly at the girl who had taken residence on the other side of the piano bench.

"But instead you listened to your heart." When Will looked at her with she could see he was confused.

"That's why you did it, didn't you? To feel loved?" Will was astonished at the response he had gotten from Rachel. He had been thinking exactly that only minutes ago.

She continued, "Sometimes I do some pretty dumb things to try and get a boy to like me. I read somewhere that a person can be promiscuous because he or she thinks that if they engage in some sort of physical activity with another person they can pretend that they are in love with them. It sounds strange but if you really think about the psychology behind it, it does make sense. Two people in love have sex but two people having sex don't have to be in love. Am I making any sense?"

Will pondered over her words for a moment, "I think so. So, you're saying that the reason why I…did what I did was to trick my mind into thinking I was in love with that person, or maybe something like that?"

"Yes, something like that." She shrugged, unsure of what else to say.

"I didn't sleep with either of them." Will said the words before he thought the wiser.

"Oh," was all she said.

He ran a hand through his hair and grimaced, why had he said that to his student? Just when he was about to apologize for the direction their conversation had taken her curiosity got the better of her.

"So, you didn't sleep with April? I thought that I heard—"

"When Emma accused me of sleeping with her, she was right. We slept next to each other, but nothing happened." Will turned his body toward the keys in front of him, feeling warm under her gaze.

"How did nothing happen? She-she's so pretty. " Her head slightly hung as her chestnut hair fell like a curtain around her face.

"You're right, she _is _pretty. But she's not my type." Will's hand went to smooth Rachel's hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"W-what is your type?" Her eyes momentarily made contact with his hunter green ones before looking at her hands in her lap.

He sighed, "Honestly, Rachel, I don't know."

The small brunette nodded, "I should go." As she began to rise she felt her teacher's hand on hers. _Did I make her uncomfortable? I shouldn't have touched her…_

Will had no idea why he wanted her to stay, maybe it was that she understood him better than he knew himself. Maybe he was lonely. Maybe he just needed someone to talk to. "Do you-do you have to?" It felt wrong, asking her to stay. He was sure she had places to be or things she'd rather be doing.

"No, I don't have to go. I can stay." She eased herself back down into the wooden seat she had been sharing with her coach, like she was lowering herself down onto a bench full of nails, the right balance of pressure and she wouldn't get hurt.

He felt her fingers become intertwined with his, his heart quickened and knew this was a bad idea; he needed to leave. This isn't right, this is sending her the wrong message. "Maybe you _should_ go." Her fingers were so small next to his, so soft.

"Why?" She, too, was staring at their hands; her heartbeat vibrated through her body and made the blood in her veins sing. Even if she wanted to leave she couldn't bring herself to leave.

"I don't know." _I don't know, or don't want to say it, admit it. _She's always been different than the others, pushed him with a phrase or tame him with one look. He began lazily stroking her fingers with his own. He needed to leave.

"Sing with me." She says.

Will had been lost in his own thoughts, unable to trust himself to speak or move. "What?"

"Sing with me." The request was simple, sing. Before Will could respond she was up and mobile. Her small feet quickly went over to the stereo where she put in a CD and clicked it to the appropriate song. _Total Eclipse of the Heart's _instrumentalradiated across the room, the song taking on new meaning to the both of them.

She began the song, "_Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around,  
>Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears." <em>Will pictured Rachel in her room, alone, wanting the boy of her affections to show up only to know her night will end in tears. She would be alone, and so would he.

Will stood as he sang, wishing the lyrics didn't ring so true. _"Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by. Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes."_ That look in her eyes, it was hard to read with the lights off in the room and the sun going down, but Will knew it was dangerous. Knew it could get him into trouble.

They continued to sing, slowly getting closer with each verse. Will and Rachel both sang _I really need you tonight_ as they stood in front of one another. Will took her left hand in his and gently spun her only to end with her back pressed snuggly into his chest. _Forever's gonna start tonight._ Still holding onto her hand he swung her in a full circle so they were still joined at the hands as their other hands outstretched ballet style. Will had never danced like this with a student, had never felt the need to, but with Rachel it was different. They needed each other. They needed to feel loved, even if it was only for a few minutes. Even if it was wrong.

_Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. _The song was perfect for them. At one time they had both thought they had been in love when in reality they had only been fooling themselves, each relationship a lie in itself. Terri, the cheerleading captain and straight A student turned into a stranger each passing year; and Emma the dove-like virgin seeming too good to be true turned out to be nothing more than a jaded woman, obsessed with cleanliness. Finn, the popular jock who was idolized at school was too self-absorbed to truly love another person and Jesse, the talented male vocal lead who only seemed to be after one specific thing from Rachel only made her want the _love _aspect more. Now, with each other, they were falling apart with only the other to catch them.

Rachel had spun herself into Will's chest so she was facing him, looking up into his dark green eyes. She had never seen them like this, so foreboding. There was nothing either of them could do to stop what was happening. They were helpless. Will dropped her hand and touched the side of her face, the other resting at her hip. He hated her then. He hated how soft she felt and how willing she was to let him touch her but most of all he hated what she was doing to him. What he was letting her do to him.

They had stopped singing and were just looking into each other's eyes. They didn't know what to do next but knew what came next. "Rachel…"

She quivered as he drew her hips closer to his, "I know." They could feel something in their chest building, bubbling to the surface. Both were afraid to move, afraid to breathe. Moments passed and the song came to an end, both entranced with each other's eyes, craving more warmth from their counterpart. Will's fingers twitched which made Rachel conscious of the air she was holding in her lungs.

Rachel let out a shaky breath, "Kiss me."

"I-I don't…" His eyes darted away from hers for a split second before settling on her mouth. His thumb grazed her bottom lip as his forehead rested against her.

"I want to," he whispered.

Everything from the past year hit him at once. The lost love, his wife's betrayal, his physical promiscuities and the sudden hatred from Emma was too much baring down at him. All these hurts, all these wants seemed to weigh Will down like a rain-soaked coat and he couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the absence of everything he had worked for and saw _that look _in her eyes and felt like he was slowly falling apart.

Her face tilted up, her lips so close to Will's that she could feel the heat off of them, "Then do it."

Their noses brushed against each other and Will could feel her breath, could feel her lips just barely brush against his. Will had never thought of her like this before this moment, or rather he had always _stopped _himself before the thoughts turned impure. He didn't know if it was because he was falling apart, or he needed to feel something _more _than just the physicality of a relationship topped with the longing for something he didn't know he needed but yet somehow Rachel was supplying him with at that moment. He just knew how she smelled of a fresh summer shower, and felt like sand warmed by the sun. Everything was becoming hazy and glazed over; she had him exactly where she's wanted him for so long. He gave into her and pressed his lips down onto hers.

It felt wrong, and he hated himself for crossing this line with a student but mostly he hated himself because it felt so good. Too good. Her lips were like candy, something sweet and coated in sugar. He heard himself groan into her mouth as he felt her hands reach around his neck and pull his head down into her mouth, forcefully tugging at his hair.

He couldn't stop, he wanted to. Needed to. But, she tasted intoxicating as his tongue lightly touched hers and he knew he needed more of her. Will backed her into the piano and pulled her hair to one side as he began gently assaulting her neck with kisses and his teeth. His hands went to the ends of her sweater and began to slightly pull the black fabric up, over her stomach.

Will felt her tense momentarily as he did this, then felt her warm fingers on his. Rachel's hands pushed his away, and Will thinking that he had gone too far was surprised when his lead vocalist shed the article of clothing and it landed on the floor. Will took a moment to take her in, she was wearing a pale blue bra that perfectly accented her skin tone, and a look that would forever be bore into his mind. His hand went to touch her heated flesh and was rewarded with a shy smile as he caressed her.

"You're beautiful, Rach." He confessed before he began to kiss her again. Soon Rachel's dainty hands went to his sweater vest then moments later it flew off of him and landed next to her owl sweater on the industrial tile. His hands went to her hips and he dug his fingertips into her a little harder than he should have, but not enough to hurt her. He would never hurt her.

"You are worthy of being loved," his gravelly voice resonated in her ear as she smiled up at him as if saying _so are you._ He gingerly bit her lip as he cupped her perfectly full bottom in his hands. Rachel responded with a small melodic sigh and began to wrap her legs around her teacher's waist.

Will took this as a hint and lifted her up onto the piano. He gently laid her back so he could climb on top of her then ghosted his mouth over her collarbone. "Ever read an article about this?" He asked teasingly, remembering the column she had mentioned earlier.

She struggled to find words for Will's mouth had just begun explorations on her left breast. "No," she replied hoarsely. Rachel had never heard herself sound like that, she felt like a different person, wasn't acting like Rachel Berry, but then the man on top of her wasn't acting like Will Schuester. "Please," she heard herself say. She needed something from him, needed for him to make her feel loved.

His hands went to rest on either side of her face, "You're sure?"

Her eyes locked onto his, "We both need this." Rachel lifted her hips into his as she peeled her partially soaked panties down. She guided his hand to her rest just below her bellybutton, "Touch me." She said it in a voice that was steady yet small. Will loved how innocent she was but also how she was trying, and succeeding, in being sexy. He eased her matching baby blue panties painstakingly slow down her legs. Rachel was still in her orange and green skirt, and much to Will's dismay, he enjoyed it. Will's hands rested on her knees as he glanced up at her and caught her eye. He could see she was nervous but having her underneath his gaze with her lustrous hair splayed out on the piano he's watched her perform by for the past year, made him give her a devilish smile.

Will spread Rachel's legs apart so he could look at her and slid his right hand down her thigh as his left massaged the flesh he was peppering with kisses. When his right hand made contact with her center he lost every sensible thought that was in the back of his mind. She was on fire, and dripping onto the reflective surface of the piano. "God, Rach, you're so wet," he said between kisses to her inner thigh. He spread her open with his fingers and darted his tongue out to taste her. Her juices tickled his tongue; she was sweet there, too.

Rachel let out a small whimper when Will's mouth made contact with her and instantly felt like molten hot lava was coursing through her veins all pooling where Will was working her so enticingly with his mouth. "Please," she begged him for the second time that evening.

"Please what, Rachel?" He mumbled between each delicate movement with his tongue.

"I-I need you to…to…oh!" Just then, Will slid a finger into her making her tight walls begin to stretch as he watched his index finger disappear into her pink folds.

"Tell me what you need, love." He coaxed as he nipped at her thigh.

Her nimble fingers raked through her hair, one slipping down her side and resting on her stomach the other still tangled in her downy hair. "I-I need you to make love to me. Please."

He leisurely placed kisses up her growingly warm skin and ended with a smoldering kiss on her lips, as if telling her yes; of course he would make love to her. Will unbuckled and pulled down his jeans, then lay flush against his favorite student feeling their body heat intermingle as his skin brushed against hers.

Will's left hand brushed back her hair from her face, "Tell me you want me." It was a bit ego-driven, he knew that, but he couldn't help the constant need to feel like he _mattered _to someone.

Rachel watched him with understanding eyes as she tenderly placed her hands on either side of his face, feeling how warm his cheeks had become. _His eyes are beautiful. _"I want _you. _Only you. "

He searched her eyes one last time and saw only softness and warmth there. _God help me. _"I want you, too." His thumb grazed her cheekbone as he as he kissed the tip of her nose. He then put all his weight on his left arm as he grabbed himself in his right and guided himself to her entrance. Will heard her breath catch at the contact and brought his hand back to her face, soothing her.

"You're different than the others," his eyes were full of an emotion he didn't know he felt for the young girl.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Rachel could feel his lower body lean slightly forward, past her folds and millimeters inside her entrance. It was as if electricity was coursing through her, humming and buzzing through her whole body.

"You're special," he brought his head down to rest in the crook of her neck and whispered, "better than them. In so many ways."

She smiled and tried to breath, even breaths. "Thank you…you're—you're too good for her. For them."

He had continued to stroke her face while they had exchanged these truths. Leaning down the few inches he needed to he kissed her as lovingly as possible and laced their hands together on the piano. Will felt Rachel sigh contentedly and he knew she was ready. His lips never left hers as he pushed through her barrier and slid himself fully inside her. Her mouth popped open in a small whimper and he felt her walls tighten around him before they slightly relaxed. _She's never done this before. _Information that should have deterred him away from the situation only fueled him on, she trusted him enough to be her first. She cared about him enough to give something to him that no one else is ever going to get from her. Then, he kissed her. Kissed her with such adoration and tenderness he thought his heart might actually grow in size or explode.

Will gave the girl a moment to compose herself and waited until her breathing turned to normal. If was difficult, to say the least, when what he really wanted to do was make love to her the way she deserved; the way they both needed. She whispered a quiet _thank you _and he took that as she was ready for him to move, _finally. _Will's movements were slow, his lips forever tracing her face and ghosting up and down her neck and chest as he caressed her sides and massaged her breasts.

While his hand traveled down her side his fingers stopped at the soft fabric that was her skirt. He was never going to look at those skirts the same again. Will felt her hands raking through his hair and their eyes locked onto one another. Resting his head on her forehead he breathed her in, "You are the best I've ever been with." It wasn't a lie, no one else had ever make him feel so, so _important_ before. Had never said or done anything like this for him, never made him feel this way.

Rachel's cheeks blushed a bright crimson as he adjusted their position, their bodies perfectly in synch. As her hips tilted up, he thrusted down; flawlessly timed. Will had never taken a girl's virginity, not even Terri's, but he knew she wasn't going to feel actual pleasure until the second or maybe even the third time. He knew it was going to be over soon, with the way she kept looking at him, the way her skirt felt bunched up in his hand and the way she felt around him. Will didn't want it to end, but knew it had to, so he sluggishly picked up the pace.

Rachel's were now wrapped completely around him, her ankles crossed behind him, pulling him into her. As he moved inside her, his kisses became more fervent, his touch- more purposeful. Soon he felt himself near the edge and wanted Rachel so desperately to go with him but knew it wouldn't happen; with this being her first time. Will took one last look into her now charcoal black eyes and kissed those plumb lips that tasted sweeter than anything he's had the pleasure of eating before he felt himself seconds before release. His hand flew to his member as he pulled out of her immediately missing her warmth and came all over her flat, taught stomach.

Will could feel her hand go to the back of his neck as he collapsed on top of her and Rachel's other hand traveled through his hair. He could hear her heartbeat; it was erratic as he gently massaged her skin with his thumb. He felt her hair tickle his nose and saw the corners of her mouth turn into an unforgettable smile.

"So that's what it feels like," she stated, "to make love to someone." Will was still breathing hard as the hand that was resting on his neck pulled his head up to her lips, "Thank you."

"No, Rachel, thank _you_." He kissed her one last time before he climbed off the piano and began the process of redressing.

Once both parties' clothes were back on and checked over by the other, Will drew Rachel into a hug. Slightly rocking her back and forth, he couldn't help but wonder, _what happens now? _He had never been here before with a student, or anyone, for that matter, besides his ex-wife.

Rachel drew away from him as he kissed her forehead, "I'm going to go now." He nodded silently as he watched her pick up her starred backpack. As she was reaching the door she turned back to him, "Really, Mr. Schuester, thank you. Your male prowess is more than any girl could ever hope for," she paused as she ran a hand through her own hair. "If you ever have the need to feel loved again…I'll be here. But if we never make love again I want you to know that don't regret it. Will never regret it."

Rachel exited slowly out of the choir room, leaving Will to ponder on what just happened. He didn't feel _bad, _but he felt _something. _It wasn't regret or remorse. It wasn't love but it was _something_, more than he had felt it a long time. If ever. But now there was the question, what was he going to do with it? The question resonated throughout the edges of his mind but he knew he may never have the answer. And that, at least for now, was okay.


End file.
